What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
