from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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