Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
