I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
