Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
