guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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