no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
