can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
