I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
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That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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