SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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