i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
