I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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