It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
your room smells of hookers.
And success
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
