That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
