I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think people are normalizing furries
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
