I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
