Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
