Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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