I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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