my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize