He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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