Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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