worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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