I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
