If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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