You made me cry and you don't even care
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
