What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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