There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize