those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
