I just threw up on my dentist
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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