woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize