I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
