ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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