in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
