I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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