Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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