Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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