Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
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By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize