And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
