Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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