Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
