ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
