be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you had me at cake vodka
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
