Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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