We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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