is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i think my mom watched the whole time
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
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