It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
false alarm. still invincible.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
