I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
