; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
