i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
