Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
mondays should just be called national damage control day
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
