If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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