so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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