Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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