Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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