Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
