the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
