He had one of those small greek statue penises
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize