My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
