so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
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she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
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I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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