1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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