we made out on top of his cat.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she told me i tasted like america
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
