You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Even my vagina gasped.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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