Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
